In the ten years that I've been planning weddings, I've attended hundreds of weddings. So, it's easy for me to forget that being a wedding guest can actually be an anxiety inducing situation- especially if you haven't done it before. No one wants to be the guest that "ruins" the day, or that calls negative attention to themselves. But if you follow these simple rules, you'll be the first person on all your friends' Save the Date mailing lists.
If it doesn't say this, assume that they aren't invited. Don't call the bride or the groom to ask if you "can bring someone".
Additionally,
with the invitation there was most likely a response card with a
pre-paid stamp on it and a date by which they would like your reply. If
you put that card in the mail, with the names of the people who were
invited and able to attend on it before that date, you will already be
steps ahead of the game of being a good wedding guest.Dress Appropriately for the Wedding. Some weddings are more casual than others, that's for sure, but weddings are always special occasions, regardless of their level of formality. At the very least you should be dressed festively, in neat and clean attire.
For gentleman "Black Tie" weddings means a
Tuxedo or a Dark Suit, for ladies, a long gown or a short embellished
dress. More confusing expressions like "Spring Cocktail Attire"
generally mean a cocktail dress or garden dress for ladies (depending on
if it is a day or evening party) and a sports coat for men.
Jeans, t-shirts, etc are generally a no-no and
it's almost always to be a little over-dressed than underdressed. Above
all, do not wear white unless asked. In a spectrum of colors in the
rainbow, allow the bride the exclusive option of wearing this color on
this, her special day.
Don't Complain when You are There.
Years ago when I married my first husband (there is only one, but in
the hopes that there is a second, I like to refer to him as my first
husband) our caterer royally screwed up the food service and somehow,
out of a buffet with 6 entree selections, everyone ended up eating
plated Fried Chicken. It was as horrible as it sounded, but 99.9% of
our guests kept a smile on their face, drank a lot and then had the time
of their lives. There was one Auntie though who just had to complain.
To me, the bride. And anyone else who would listen. I cried, my mother
and my aunts were furious that she would upset a bride on her wedding
day. People bickered for months afterwards. Was the wedding perfect?
Not my a mile. It also wasn't worth making people so upset. Be it the
volume of the band, or the temperature of the room- if you are
uncomfortable, say something to a waiter or a waitress, but don't
complain to the Bride, Groom or any other family members. Even if the
hosts do something really tacky- like have a cash bar-
just try and quietly deal with it and talk about them behind their
backs later. It's a special day and you are there to celebrate love,
not to be the squeaky wheel. Participate...Within Reason. Dance when you are invited to dance! Drink when someone proposes a toast! Celebrate in the rituals of the wedding! Many couples' number one concern with their wedding is that people have a good time, so participating in the various parts of the celebration will show them that you are doing exactly that. However, don't bogart the reception either. If you weren't specifically asked to make a toast, don't pick up a microphone and make one. Don't personally decide to wipe out the unlimited bar. Don't make out with your date at the dinner table or on the dancefloor.
Bonus: Mailing Your Gift Instead of Bringing It. If you want to really be voted Wedding Guest MVP, send your present in the mail within 1 year of the wedding date instead of bringing a boxed gift. You don't actually get any extra credit for showing up with a physical present, and most couples find it a hassle to have to get the gifts home at the end of the night.
I promise, with these simple guidelines you will not only be a Wedding Star, but you'll also have the time of your life!
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